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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome several hardships, which I admire. However, she has been often caught off guard by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Many of her friends disappeared then, because they seemed focused solely on him. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, likely grasped better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many of her friends have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing each other more, but I am finding my position between us is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I try to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She's been arranging a trip to a country I have traveled to many times even called home for some time. My intention was to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She really solely sought validation of her plans. I have come back from a month there and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she can comprehend the impact of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of a solution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially requires explaining how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell how this affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument here. What you feel belong to you, of course. The third step involves requesting how you are both will alter the interaction between you."

Remember your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a narrative of their life they cannot abandon since their identity is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react this way and then think on your words. If you never reach a fix, it provides peace from having been honest with her.